*sigh* Did you ever get the feeling you'd missed your calling in life? I'm starting to feel like I should've been a psychiatrist. People seem to love talking to me about their problems, to the point where they're even starting to make appointments! Like the other day, I was sitting in my cube when a co-worker pops his head in and says, "I know you're busy, but when you have a sec, can you come over? I wanted to talk to you about something personal."
Some days, I wish I had walls....
It's not even conversations with these people, it's marathon therapy sessions! Relationship woes, in-law issues, detailed accounts about how some tiny innocuous comment made them feel mortally slighted--anything goes. Hell, I've even been having email sessions with a buddy in a different province! (His girlfriend doesn't like to go out--ever--and he's feeling a little stifled.) I'm starting to feel like I exist merely to be a sounding board. It's not that I don't care about these people and their problems, but it doesn't seem to work both ways. I don't spill my guts to these people, dammit--I barely get a word in edgewise! It's kind of unfair.
Ah well, why would I go to them for advice anyway? They're freakin' dysfunctional. *grumble, grumble*
P.S.: I do recognize the irony of this post--so thanks for listening to my venting, and please feel free to post your own problems in the comments!
7 comments:
I had the same problem. People seem to take advantage of people who are naturally good listeners. I finally just started asserting myself to people who I didn't want to listen to anymore (there were a lot of them) while maintaing that relationship with people who would also listen to me when I needed to talk. The worst were people who would keep calling me with the SAME ISSUE but who never took any steps to fix it.
Just start being "busy" or cutting off conversations early with a more polite version of "I'd love to help, but I can't." Or jump in with "I know what you mean, when x, y, and z happened I felt the same way, but here's how I dealt with it." Turns the conversation back on you which will drive away anyone who's trying to use you for your listening skills. Because honestly, it's not fair to you for everyone to keep dumping on you, unless you're getting paid for it, which you're not.
Yep, good call, Rusty--I think I may have to start with the cutting-people-off tactics. Simply turning to my computer and looking eager to get back to work doesn't seem to cause them to clue in. Headphones are a pretty good deterrent when I'm really desperate for alone-time....
And oh yes, the worst offenders both keep coming to me with the same freakin' complaints, over and over. Argh! So frustrating!
Join the club. Why do you think I write a blog? 'Cause no one will listen to me in real life, dammit!
But in all seriousness, just take it as a sign of respect. They could have gone to anybody about their problems and they went to you. That's gotta be worth something, right? Although you should totally have a little Lucy van Pelt Jar on your desk in which people may deposit nickels...which you will then shake vigorously and proclaim what a wonderful sound said nickel is making.
And also, concerning a Matthew Rush The Zombie Dildo...Ummm, my best advixe would be to go to your local gay village, find a sex shop, and ask the kindly people inside. Or better yet, tell me when your b-day is, and I'll buy one for you so you may experience the joys of slaying the undead with a plastic replica of a very muscular man's ding-dong.
Agreed, Jeremy. I really do like that people feel safe coming to me with their problems. It's just been a little time-consuming lately, is all.
Also, forget nickels--I can seriously blackmail these fools with all the dirt I have on them!
Local gay village? Hmmm, I don't think we have one in Cape Breton. Halifax, maybe. Oh, okay--I guess I can wait 'til March 4th! *heehee*
Oh meaux, I feel for you. You don't want to be mean or rude because obviously they're in the middle of some sort of crisis or drama or whatever. BUT, it's the same people over and over and you start to realize that it's self-created drama and crisis and then you start resenting them a bit. At least, that's how it works for me.
I tend to puss out and just tell them I'm busy and go into avoidance mode until they find someone else to whine to. This may not be the best approach...
Just FYI - this doesn't apply to the occasional friend who has a genuine problem NOT caused by their own bad choices. I'm not a total heartless bitch.
PS: Your word verification is "psyco". Made me giggle!
Lainey: yes, avoidance is my favourite approach too! I'm not so good at being direct.
Psyco--heehee! Coincidence? Or intelligent word verification design? Hmm....
Post a Comment